A Dressage Queen's 10 Commandments
1. Thou shalt not associate with commoners who do not ride $1,000,000 Warmbloods.
2. Thou shalt blame everyone and everything when the rare occasion arises that thouest do not win.
3. Thou shalt cultivate a high pitched whining screech, that allows spectators and husband alike to know that nothing is up to thy standards.
4. Thou shall own fullseats of each colour, Eurostars, Pikeurs, and every other unpronounceable name out there.
5. Thou shalt wear full carrot diamond studs in which to impress judges and lowly commoners alike.
6. Thou shall have the vet, farrier, committee of trainers, out every week to test footing, hocks, stifles, air quality, sidereins, spurs, hotwalker, etc.......
7. Thou shalt have background checks done on each lowly barnhelp, as they might ruin thy horse by the unnatural ct of petting thy $1,000,000 push-button training machine.
8. Thou shalt not let thy roots grow out, nor nails be chipped, nor ever appear in public without thy full mask of makeup, nor be caught without thy Gucci purse full of custom made products.
9. Thou shall own every gadget known to horsedom, as to impress all and sundry with thy prowess in the saddle.
10. Thou shalt name drop, and schmooch with the wives of thy judges and cultivate a charming smile and attitude in which to win friends and show off thy lovely new dental work.
You might be a Dressage Queen if...
-Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
-You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over your GP mounts.
-You can’t school your horse without coordinating leg wraps, saddle pad, browband, polo shirt, gloves, socks, hair bow, baseball cap and eyeshadow.
-All your pre-nuptial agreements mention the horses first.
-The judge has to don sunglasses to cut the glare from your diamond stud earrings.
-Your artificial fingernails keep wearing out the fingers of your gloves.
-Your trainer sends his psychiatrist bills to you, and you pay them.
-Every piece of tack you own has a breed logo on it including the Mercedes.
-You paid more for your horse trailer than your education.
-The cost of the brushes in your grooming box is more than your groom earns a year.
-You think multi-cultural means owning more than one type of warmblood.
2. Thou shalt blame everyone and everything when the rare occasion arises that thouest do not win.
3. Thou shalt cultivate a high pitched whining screech, that allows spectators and husband alike to know that nothing is up to thy standards.
4. Thou shall own fullseats of each colour, Eurostars, Pikeurs, and every other unpronounceable name out there.
5. Thou shalt wear full carrot diamond studs in which to impress judges and lowly commoners alike.
6. Thou shall have the vet, farrier, committee of trainers, out every week to test footing, hocks, stifles, air quality, sidereins, spurs, hotwalker, etc.......
7. Thou shalt have background checks done on each lowly barnhelp, as they might ruin thy horse by the unnatural ct of petting thy $1,000,000 push-button training machine.
8. Thou shalt not let thy roots grow out, nor nails be chipped, nor ever appear in public without thy full mask of makeup, nor be caught without thy Gucci purse full of custom made products.
9. Thou shall own every gadget known to horsedom, as to impress all and sundry with thy prowess in the saddle.
10. Thou shalt name drop, and schmooch with the wives of thy judges and cultivate a charming smile and attitude in which to win friends and show off thy lovely new dental work.
You might be a Dressage Queen if...
-Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
-You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over your GP mounts.
-You can’t school your horse without coordinating leg wraps, saddle pad, browband, polo shirt, gloves, socks, hair bow, baseball cap and eyeshadow.
-All your pre-nuptial agreements mention the horses first.
-The judge has to don sunglasses to cut the glare from your diamond stud earrings.
-Your artificial fingernails keep wearing out the fingers of your gloves.
-Your trainer sends his psychiatrist bills to you, and you pay them.
-Every piece of tack you own has a breed logo on it including the Mercedes.
-You paid more for your horse trailer than your education.
-The cost of the brushes in your grooming box is more than your groom earns a year.
-You think multi-cultural means owning more than one type of warmblood.
posted by Dressage Princess @ 10:33 AM
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